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I would suggest you make a drinking game out of it with your friends; whoever checks each of these off your list first gets a free drink from the rest of the group.Here’s the list: –Find a Canadian person and complete at least two of the following: 1) Refer to Canada as “America’s hat.” 2) Talk mad shit about the Vancouver Canucks losing the Stanley Cup, thus extending Canada’s Cup-less streak to 18 years.All those good stories about me getting shitface drunk, swinging and missing repeatedly with the ladies, and apparently what people really want to read is my somewhat-right-of-Attila-the-Hun political ramblings.Who knew there were other Cold War buffs out there?
Because I’m tired of empty words and emptier promises. A tragedy is when someone comes down with some inexplicable disease for no discernible reason.
Do you think our grandparents stopped on December 7th, 1944 to pay tribute to the victims of Pearl Harbor?
No, because they were too busy you’ve made sure it won’t happen again. We’ve gone straight from getting kicked in the nuts to remembering how bad it felt to get kicked in the nuts, without doing a goddamn thing to make sure we don’t get kicked in the nuts again.
Be sure to tell them this before, during and after sex.
–Go to a Civil War reenactment and treat it like a sporting event, cheering madly for the guys in Blue. –If anyone dares to criticize any of your showings of patriotism accuse them of being a communist. –Ladies, give a serviceman and/or veteran a blow job.
Mock and taunt anyone with a Confederate flag like you would your worst sports rival. If you’re sober enough to form coherent sentences you can use the proper wording: “Are you, or have you ever been, a member of the Communist Party? –Ladies, wear a patriotic bikini to make us all stand at attention. It was invented here, perfected here, and is as much a staple of the Wild West culture as cowboys, guns and hookers. Fly them from your porch, your car, your boat, your dog.